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I recently finished reading “Raising Boys” by Stephen Biddulph and really enjoyed reading it.  I can’t say that there is anything that really just blew me away but many questions I have about boys are answered and that is worth the price of the book.

Three phases of boyhood

Probably the best piece of advice the book has to offer are the three phases of boyhood which are birth to six, six to 14, and 14 to adulthood.  Many phenomanon that I have wondered about or observed either through my own boy or other kids that I have coached or taught were answered with by these characteristics.

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One thing I have noticed about my two year old is that he always wants his Mommy and I am nothing more than chopped liver.  Rotten chopped liver to be precise.  Everyone assures me that this will pass and I am confident that someday soon, he will only want to hang out with me and then I can thumb my nose at my wife!  According to Biddulph, I will have to wait until he is six for that.  A boy’s mommy provides a safe and secure environment that makes makes a boy a momma’s boy.  And thats fine because he wants her to do about everything, including changing his dirty diapers!

When he turns six, he will want to start to learn all things manly according to Biddulph.  Good thing he has me.  I can burp and fart with the best of the men!  What that really means is he starts to watch how his father acts in situations, how his dad treats his mom, and wants to do everything like his daddy.  This is the time that he will learn his dads interests, good habits, and bad habits.  So if the dad sits on the couch and eats chips, that is what he will want to do.  I guess I am going to have to watch the chips, huh?

But that’s ok because when he turns 14, I can do whatever I want and he won’t notice!  When they turn 14, boys want to start modeling after other men.  They don’t get along well with their parents because they want to branch out and establish their independence.  This is why it is so important to find good men to be role models for your sons.  If they do not have responsible adult men to model themselves after, they will look to their peers and that is what gets boys in trouble.  For more information about that, see my post about the Vision Quest.

Tons of Advice

This book is filled with helpful advice on all sorts of topics from ADHD to chosing a boy friendly school.  It really is a great read.  perhaps that thing I took away the most from this book is how I can be a better teacher and coach at my school.  There are way too many people that give up on difficult teenage boys and that is the worst thing a male teacher can do because that will effect those boys.  Those boys need their male role models and a school is the best place to help mold those boys.  This knowledge has really given me a new sense of importance at the school where I work.

I definitely recommend that both mothers and fathers read this book.  There are sections written to mothers and other sections written to fathers.  It is an easy read and broken up into short sections so you can bite off small pieces of information at a time.  Enjoy!

After writing my post Boys to Men – Tony Woodleif, I was contacted by my high school English/Literature teacher.  He asked me if I had heard of the poem “If” by Rudyard Kipling.  He said it was a poem about the qualities of man and would be a good follow up to that post.  I told him I had not heard of it and decided to find out more. 

It turns out that it was one of those poems that I have heard hundreds of times because the words are so meaningful that it is quoted again and again.  I am certainly no poetry critic, or a writing critic.  I am actually only my own critic!!  When I read this poem, I felt it was perfect for this site.  Thanks Mr. Chuck!!

The complete poem is quoted below.  Thanks to Swarthmore College for making it available on the web. 

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If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!
          –Rudyard Kipling

As I said at the beginning of the post, I did not recognize this poem by name or author but I recognized it as soon as I read the first line.   The poem does not list virtues such as honor and bravery, but it suggests that a man is one who handles situations in a certain way.  Over the next few weeks, I will be dissecting this poem into its stanzas and discussing what those stanzas say, examples from my own life, and what we can do to teach our boys these qualities.  Please join me

The Primordial Soup

When I was a kid, I loved reading my uncle’s National Geographics.  My uncle would say it was because of the naked indigenous South Americans, but actually I loved looking at the pictures of the animals and the scenery.  As I got a little older, my Grandfather got me a subscription of my own, which he still renews to this day.  The most recent issue talks about evolution and, being a biology teacher, I can’t wait to take it to class.

From Four Legs To Two

This magazine is great to show your boys to help inspire their imagination and spirit of adventure.  I have seen boys play all day with plastic animals.  My little boy is already a zoo tycoon.  He takes his little plastic animals and builds cages for them out of his wooden blocks.  Today, he added a tour train and a carousel.  The Phoenix Zoo has those features.  Coincidence?  I think not!!

Opposable Thumbs

This year, we got a subscription to National Geographic for Little Kids.  Probably the coolest thing for him is that he actually gets something in the mail.  But the magazine features a specific animal and many of the articles and activities surround that animal.  Each issue comes with a few trading cards with different animals and other puzzles and such.  We really have fun with this little magazine.

Standing Upright

Of course, when your kid gets too old for the “Little Kids” edition, check out the “Kids” edition.  I have not yet seen this version of the magizine, but if it is anything like its father, and little brother, I will be picking it up in a few years for my son (and me).

Bigger Brains

So National Geographic has evolved from your grandaddy’s magazine to the magazine for the whole family.  Whats cool is that I can enjoy the “Big Kids” version while my son enjoys his “Little Kids” version.  Both of us are learning about our world and we are doing it together.  Can’t beat that!!

280 Pages of Fun!!

This book is a blast.  It really is.  There are times that I pick it up to page through it imagining all the fun my son and I will have with it.  However, the first page outlines essential gear for a boy and the first item is a pocket knife.  I am pretty sure my wife won’t let me give my 2 year old a pocket knife, but that does not take away my enthusiasm about this book.

This book accomplishes a lot.  It gives boys and parents a bunch of activities that can really help with parental bonding.  Activities like building a go-cart or a tree house, making a battery and a fireproof cloth.  These activities provide priceless opportunities to really teach your kids about the skills involved in making them as well as reinforcing the bond.  Does he really need a fireproof cloth?  Who cares, its fireproof!!!

An important attribute for all boys to develop young is a love of reading.  This book has several chapters dedicated to some stories that tend to keep boys interested.  There are chapters spread out through the book with stories about famous battles and great adventures.  Setting a boy loose on these short stories can really help him on his way to becoming a strong reader.

Another great aspect of this book are the multiple chapters that provide facts that interest boys.  It has sections that teach systems of measurement, constellations, cloud formations and types of trees, just to name a few.  And keeping with the style of the book, they are all laid out in a way that makes them interesting to boys.  I even found myself doing Internet research on the Navajo Code Talkers after reading the chapter about that.  I also got excited to take my son out of town on some clear summer night to look at the stars and find constellations.

I loved this book so much as a father that I have even bought it as a gift for some of my friends that had boys, or even if they were expecting boys.  The book brought me back to a time where summer days never ended and now I can’t wait to share that with my son.  He might think those days drag on forever, but I will be very dissapointed every night once the sun goes down because I know another great day spent with my son has passed.