Photo by play4smee

About 50% of the videos on Funniest Home Videos involve someone getting hit in the berries.  It is painful.  It is funny.  How do you deal with it when it happens to your son?

Last week at soccer practice, the little brother or one of my players was there.  He wanted to play and we were short, so I let him in.  We were playing a half field scrimmage and he was coming after the ball.  Another member of the team kicked it and it got him right in the cajones.  Myself and several other coaches saw it unfold.  I only wish we could watch it again on slow-mo over and over.  They could have only produced it better in the movie Dodgeball.

Photo by manjidesigns

The coaches were giggling on the periphery and the boys on the team were just howling.  The poor child was motionless on the ground, howling in a higher pitch than normal. 

The pain of being hit in the crotch is sever.  It hurts between the legs disabling the victim from walking.  Once that dysfunction has worn off, the pain migrates into your stomach.  It feels like you have to puke and poop at the same time.  Even though you can walk now, you still can’t fully stand up.  Your posture is about three humanoids down on the evolution chart.  From there, the pain slowly lets up and you can return to normal life.

Photo by Funadium

This poor child at soccer practice was not only in pain, but the high school boys were crowding around him and laughing.  Admittedly, I was laughing too until I realize that he was loudly sobbing.  Not only had he received a massive blow to his package, but his ego was also receiving the same punishment.  That 11 year old boy was hanging with the high schoolers and loving it.  And then he went down and he was embarrassed.

Anyway, I walked over to him, picked him up, carried him over to the picnic table and gently set him down.  He had these big tears welling up in his eyes and I felt really bad for him.  I told him that I knew how bad it hurts and assured him it would go away.  Then I asked him if he was embarrassed.  He said he was so I told him that every guy on the team had probably been hit in the nards and that he shouldn’t be embarrassed.  We have all been there.  Then I left him alone to dry heave until he felt better.  Getting hit in the nuts is traumatic both  physically and emotionally and you just have to give it time to heal

After a few minutes, he was back in the game.  What a trooper.  So the bottom line is that if your boy gets hit in the nutts, pick him up, dust him off, tell him it will go away and give him some time.   He will work it out.

Photo by candleshoe

I am currently reading the book Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph and very early into the book, I learned something very interesting about how the Lakota Indians brought boys into manhood. 

The first part is that once Lakota boys entered their teenage years, they went on a vision quest.  Now, this is not the drug frenzied, vagabonding, trip into the wilderness that many, including myself, believed it to be.  The boy is sent to a mountaintop to see their vision which was brought on by fasting.  The vision was meant to guide the boy through his life and was delivered by the spirits.

That’s not even the most interesting part.  Once they return from their vision quest, they were not allowed to make contact with their mothers for two years!!  Imagine being without your child for two years.  My wife can’t handle two days without our son.  The Lakota believed that if a boy of this age spent this time with their mother that they would never be able to go from being a boy to being a man.  During this time, the boy was with the other members of the tribe, socializing himself to how a man was expected to behave.  After the two years were up, there was a ceremony rejoining the mother with her son.  The difference is that he returned a man and behaved as such.

According to Biddulph, boys at the age of around 14 need to seek male mentors to move past the expectations of their mother and father.  Boys at this age are ready to branch out and learn new things from new people.  Biddulph also says that this may be the reason that boys and their fathers butt heads so much at this age but are so willing to listen to the advice of another man in his life.  Boys need strong mentors at this age which is why so many male coaches and teachers are valued. 

So, you may want to send your teenage boy to a mountaintop without food because they are driving you nuts, but you would be better off finding him some great mentors to spend time with.  You can let them help satisfy that teenage appetite.