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Jan 30, 2009 
Photo by candleshoe
I am currently reading the book Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph and very early into the book, I learned something very interesting about how the Lakota Indians brought boys into manhood.
The first part is that once Lakota boys entered their teenage years, they went on a vision quest. Now, this is not the drug frenzied, vagabonding, trip into the wilderness that many, including myself, believed it to be. The boy is sent to a mountaintop to see their vision which was brought on by fasting. The vision was meant to guide the boy through his life and was delivered by the spirits.
That’s not even the most interesting part. Once they return from their vision quest, they were not allowed to make contact with their mothers for two years!! Imagine being without your child for two years. My wife can’t handle two days without our son. The Lakota believed that if a boy of this age spent this time with their mother that they would never be able to go from being a boy to being a man. During this time, the boy was with the other members of the tribe, socializing himself to how a man was expected to behave. After the two years were up, there was a ceremony rejoining the mother with her son. The difference is that he returned a man and behaved as such.
According to Biddulph, boys at the age of around 14 need to seek male mentors to move past the expectations of their mother and father. Boys at this age are ready to branch out and learn new things from new people. Biddulph also says that this may be the reason that boys and their fathers butt heads so much at this age but are so willing to listen to the advice of another man in his life. Boys need strong mentors at this age which is why so many male coaches and teachers are valued.
So, you may want to send your teenage boy to a mountaintop without food because they are driving you nuts, but you would be better off finding him some great mentors to spend time with. You can let them help satisfy that teenage appetite.
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